


Being Alive

by deathbysandblk



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M, Songfic, being alive, michael is mentioned briefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-04
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2018-02-19 19:23:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2399975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathbysandblk/pseuds/deathbysandblk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off the song "Being Alive" by Stephen Sondheim<br/>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HnTu8IBWvTQ</p>
            </blockquote>





	Being Alive

**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoyed writing this one. I was singing this song and this idea just came to me. I hope you enjoy! :)

To Ray, his crush on Joel was a ridiculous fantasy. Joel was unattainable. He wouldn’t be interested in someone like him. But, of course, the romantic in Ray couldn’t help, but imagine what things would be like if they were together.

“Someone to hold you too close”

Ray envisioned a night with the two of them snuggled together, Joel holding onto him, unwilling to let go.

“Someone to hurt you too deep”

Ray knew it wasn’t realistic for a relationship to not have its fights as he pictured Joel and himself screaming at each other, but even fighting with Joel would be better than this, at least he would have him, to call as his own. 

“Someone to sit in your chair”

There was this cozy little chair Ray had in his living room that he always sat in when he was thinking. He’d like to envision Joel sitting there. He’d be happy to let Joel have his chair if it meant he was his.

“To ruin your sleep”

Who needs sleep when you have the love of your life to talk to each and every night for all hours of the night? Ray pictured the two of them laying together in bed just talking about anything and everything, in no hurry to sleep, too interested in what the other had to say. 

“Someone to need you too much”

Maybe it was crazy, but Ray liked the idea of being needed. He pictured helping Joel with his problems, happy to do so. 

“Someone to know you too well”

Ray pictured sharing his deepest secrets, secrets he would never share with anyone else, with Joel and Joel loving him anyway.

“Someone to pull you up short”

Ray imagined the first time Joel would say “I love you” to him and how it would take away his breath, hearing the three words he had always wanted to hear from the one guy he had always wanted to hear them from.

“And put you through hell”

Even during the bad times, Ray would stick with Joel. Through the arguments turned into fights, through the slamming of doors, the throwing of objects. Even though those things would happen, loving and caring for Joel was worth any pain he would endure.

“Someone you have to let in”

Trusting someone is a big step. It’s hard to say who will keep your secrets and maintain your trust and who will betray you, thinking taking a stab at you for entertainment is more important than keeping your secrets. Ray was willing to let Joel in…if only he would notice him.

“Someone whose feelings you spare”

Ray wanted more than anything to prevent Joel from ever getting hurt or embarrassed. And if anyone ever hurt Joel, they’d have to answer to him.

“Someone, who like it or not, will want you to share, a little, a lot”

When two people first enter a relationship, it is their goal to learn absolutely everything about the other. Ray’s desires in this preposterous fantasy life with Joel were no different. He loved learning new things about him. He always would. 

“Someone to crowd you with love”

Ray imagined the hugging, kissing, or cuddling they would do. He imagined having a silly pet name for Joel and Joel having one for him. He imagined them as a couple teasing each other, but knowing it was only for play. Oh, how it all sounded so wonderful. 

“Someone to force you to care”

There were endless possibilities of what Joel could talk about that Ray had no idea what they pertained. Because he cared so much for Joel, he would begin to listen and he would begin to care. What mattered to Joel, mattered to him. 

“Someone to make you come through”

They would both have responsibilities they had to attend to and they would keep in each other in check.

“Who’ll always be there”

No matter what happened, they would stick together because that’s what two people who love each other do.

“As frightened as you, of being alive”

‘Life is scary sometimes, but we don’t have to go through it alone. We have each other.’ Ray would say to Joel in his daydreams. 

“Being alive”

What am I doing? These thoughts aren’t real. They are only what I wish was real.

“Being alive”

How will he ever know how I feel unless I say something to him?

“Being alive”

Ray recalled Michael’s words as he told him he would come clean to Joel about his feelings.

“Holy shit, seriously, man? You’re gonna do it?! Finally!”

“Somebody pull me up short, and put me through hell, and give me support for being alive. Make me alive. Make me alive. Make me confused. Mock me with praise. Let me be used. Vary my days. But alone. Is alone. Not alive.”

Ray realized that in order for Joel to know, in order for him to care, in order for there to be even the slightest chance, that he would have to say something. He couldn’t continue on in this dream-like state. He needed it to be real. He was tired of a dream, when he wanted a reality. 

“Somebody crowd me with love”

Ray now looks back on that day with a smile. It was the best decision he ever made, he thinks, as Joel hugs him tightly, pulling him back out of his thoughts.

“Somebody force me to care”

Ray may not know much about finance, but he certainly loves listening to his wonderful boyfriend as he talks about a subject he is very passionate about.

“Somebody make me come through”

Ray wondered what had been wrong with Joel lately. He seemed really down and he acted like he didn’t want to talk. Ray wouldn’t try to make him talk if he didn’t want to. He simply laid down with him, caressing him, telling him everything would be okay.

“I’ll always be there”

Was one of the things Ray told him that night. It was also one of his vows he made to Joel on their wedding day. 

“As frightened as you, to help us survive”

Yes, life can be scary, at times, but it’s a lot less overwhelming when there is someone there to help you along the way. 

“Being alive”

Life was so wonderful, how did Ray live off his fantasies when this was so much better?

“Being alive”

He sometimes had a hard time believing this really was happening.

“Being alive”

His dream had become a reality.


End file.
